Letting God Love Us

God has blessed me so much in the past several months. There were times when I was emotionally exhausted, physically worn out, and questioned exactly how I was going to move forward or how we were going to make it at all. In those moments, deep in the night when sleep was stolen by worry, I offered my thanks and I prayed. When I least expected it, and not always the direct answer to my prayers, God appeared in our lives, offering us opportunities to change the course of our lives, offering support when it was needed, creating better situations and different paths for us to take. When one thing happens, it is coincidence and it is easy for people to write it off as that. When it is a series of things, one after another, giving a glimpse of light in the darkness often caused by worry, isn't a set of mere coincidence..... it is God working.

It reminds me a situation that I faced with my husband earlier in our marriage. We went through a really difficult time, accelerated by the impact alcoholism on marriage, particularly those that do not drink and are left to pick up the pieces left by the one who does. Additionally, difficulties in my past with men and their mistreatment of me made me very cautious. Promises of love meant nothing when the actions spoke so much different, even the if the actions wasn't that of a sober person. After my husband admitted his mental illness and stopped using alcohol to medicate himself, there was a lot of rebuilding that needed to be done. Promises were made, but I was still afraid. I couldn't put the faith in him I once had, as I had been let down by him in the past.

He had apologized many times. He had changed his actions towards me, trying to take care of me and trying to make it up to me, the difficult time he put me through. No matter how hard he tried, however, I just didn't feel loved. I didn't feel the security. I couldn't forget the things that I had endured with him earlier on, the emotional toll it had taken on me, the part of my spirit it had broken.

One night, however, we laid beside me in our marital bed, holding me close before drifting into our slumber for the night. As I laid there, his arms around me, his legs entwined with mine, I felt it. I felt how much he loved me. I felt how much I truly loved him. The next day, I woke up and contemplated the night before. I realized that I felt those things not because he was doing anything different, but because I had allowed myself to be open to him loving me - I had accepted his love.

I think that the same can be said about God. People can go through the motions. They can say their prayers and go to whatever place they call their house of worship. They can wait for God to work in their lives, praying for relief or support or love or their needs. I don't think, though, they really feel the power of God until they are able to say honestly that they allow God to love them. They allow it through the trinity, working through their lives, open, listening, waiting, Letting God Love Us.